Betrayal is something all children learn early on, as a child we seek protection from our parents only to find they are the same people who betray us first.

Life is hard isn’t it? None of use are asked to be born. I’ve never been one to consider suicide but many times suffering with depression I’d wished I was never born. Sometimes it seems pointless living in a fucked up fraudulent world. I assume most of us are raised by our biological parents, yet never really knowing of, as we are growing, how little we understand of the world we live in. Our parents as well, they don’t know much, we think they do, as kids, parents have the answer to everything, but they really don’t.  Parents both work hard to support of us, provide and pay the bills, buy us things we desire if they can. Growing up a middle child it didn’t matter how much my parents did for me (which was a lot) yet, I can’t ever forget the hurt they imposed on me as child and a human being. I don’t dwell on it, but I’m understanding much of it today. Both of them hurt me with their constant criticism and on going ridicule and negative attitude. It’s because of this I have discovered my reasons of never feeling safe.

Of course my parents moved us kids away from the neighborhood they grew up in to what I think, they thought was safe and a nice place to live, it was to a degree. However problems are everywhere and so are child molesters and predators. I once re-call an old white man tried to abduct me, it didn’t happen.  During high school a man named Tony drove around in his yellow truck, picking up under age high school girls. He should have went to prison for his intentions alone.  Many years later I saw him again and he never remembered me, but I don’t forget a face. As time went on and I finally graduated high school, clueless to choices and opportunities of what to do with my life?  Not one person ever sat me down and expressed all the things I could discover or have in my life. Yet I desired the music and the passion for wanting to be apart of something great. Hell, I never knew I lived 45 minutes away from Hollywood.  What ruined my life was becoming another teenage statistic having a kid before I had a chance to grow up.

I viewed myself very different from the rest of the clan. If anything I didn’t think much of my siblings. As for my parents they had many struggles as married people do, I always hoped they would divorce, but they never did.  Since my siblings had no ambition and found themselves involved with the wrong people, which in turn can drag a person down they didn’t accomplish much. As for anyone who chooses to have a girlfriend or boyfriend it will alter your choices and lead you down the wrong path. It’s always best to take the road “less traveled”. No kids, no obligations, only YOU and YOUR AMBITION.AFRICAN RISING GODDESS FEELING SAFEnbsp- MagickPower

Now being, the only kid out of five that received this kind of treatment from what I observed. I wonder why?  Why did my parents treat me with such abuse? Emotionally and verbally?  No parent ever really understands their child just as it has taken me a life time to understand who I am, but an important aspect of my attributes comes from the planet I am associated to which is SATURN and the zodiac I was born under, which is Capricorn.

Our make up as a Human Being is designed according to our astrological pattern and by understanding these attributes we can understand ourselves and come to love ourselves and bring in the light and the darkness, harness our own personal power. Being under the planet Saturn it has shown me how dangerous I can be, not in a physical violent way, but just invoking Saturn or a God that is associated to the planet.  Also just speaking the words of death can bring great pain and suffering as I have already come to experience.  Now I understand the reason why so many have been intimated by my presences. Of course it may have something to do with with their own personal hang ups and insecurities, either way understanding your astrological make up is a grand achievement of self identity something most people never understand.  

Knowing of these attributes with Saturn and Capricorn provide a feeling of safety I never had growing up and give me the courage I need to survive in uncertain world. As a self reliant independent woman I call upon Belial as he is about Justice and a Powerful Energy being an Earth sign. You can feel his power within your soul. When your mind is strong and you know who you are, no one can knock you down or hurt you as they did when you were a child. And that in itself is a Grand Achievement.