Nightmares and Dreams

Since my man passed away so many odd things have happened, it’s only been about six weeks and I am trying to process the magnitude of my life changing, which leaves me vulnerable to wanting comfort from someone. I found myself reaching out to a man I knew all my life as he’s not married or has children. The first connection was easy, but pleasing him is not so easy, as I forgot how many areas in his own life need work, but I never realized the insidious relationship he has with his mother.  As I moved passed the first encounter as he seemed genuine, I later had a visit with his mom, and for the first time in years I saw something in her I’ve never seen before. Michael did mention at dinner, his mother is not the victim everyone thinks she is, he was right.

Many years have gone by, so it’s been a long time, but it was nice to see her and she invited me back anytime, but strange occurrences came after the visit, to what I found to be disturbing.  I’m not clear exactly where this manifestation maybe coming from. Or if there was something foul in the home from all the terrible things that occurred with her sons and husband. Sometimes the stress alone can cause a rift in the family and linger with parasites.

Later that evening I left Sylvia’s home only to pull my car over as I became extremely ill with vomiting and fever. It has now lingered several days, but later on that night as I was wrestling with my fever I had a very disturbing and sexual dream.

Tom Acosta (Sylvia’s husband) face was in my dream, I can’t make out exactly what it means, but I’m going to take it as a warning!!!

It was dark but I could see a couple off to the side having sex and then a man was in front of me with a large erection, the mans face was the husband to Sylvia. His face was so large, it seem to be the main focal point of my dream, but weeks later I now understand what it meant.

I awoke from the nightmare because I felt anal penetration for a split moment, this is threatening to me and so is the face in the dream. Why Tom Acosta I thought? Is there a connection between the dream and my visit to Sylvia?  Was there something foul and unholy in the house as I felt attacked by this illness?  All of these questions were in my head. Tom is dead now, but is he terrorizing my dreams? Or is this a warning from my spirit guides?

I wonder if Sylvia is apart of it? I don’t know, its really hard to separate it all, but its something toxic.  I need a cleansing from this parasite coming into my dreams and raping me. It wasn’t a rape in the conventional sense, but the feelings of how it played out, very much were.  It was extremely disturbing, a message is here I just haven’t understood what it is yet?  Prior to all of this I was staying somewhere else and one day I looked up only to see on a wall there was a large V which represents the horns of the dark Lord, Lucifer and the number. It was huge, it took up the whole wall, I couldn’t believe it.

I’ve asked Mark Smith about this, he says its represents my path, but path to what? I feel every time I see it, something terrible happens. Right now I really need my spirit guides to speak to me, help guide me in these troubled waters. I only want love and allow light in my heart, that is what I seek to restart a new journey, a fresh chapter and leave the past behind me. I know I need to heal from the past it’s necessary and being vulnerable placed me in the wrong situation as I know now, reaching out to the Acosta family was my mistake. Yet I am not going to take all the blame. 

A few days later I was spiritually attacked, which  could have been a psychic attack. It was horrible, I truly believe Sylvia’s fire element, her anger does damage being an Aries, filled with rage and regret. Her son makes a habit of telling his mother his personal life and with that she would leave absurd messages on my phone.

However, what I observed with Michael Acosta and his mother, is insidious!! I went out with Mike a few times, each time was worse than the time before.  However, what kind of man at the age of 58 tells his mother details of his personal affairs? Michael is being controlled emotionally by his mother. She criticizes him at every turn and yet he is emotionally disconnected (especially with women) because of his parents, lack of love and abuse, as their household was made up of alcohol and drugs in their family, which only killed two of his brothers, the other Louie Acosta died of aides at a very young age. 

I asked him why he does this and his ignorant answer is, “I can’t lie”. Is this fucken stupid and childish or what? Lie? Why the fuck are you telling your mother to begin with? To make her jealous? As a 58 year old male do you need your mommy to pay attention to you? They fight like cats and dogs from time to time, which gives an impression, they’re married to each other.

This to me is perverse, Mike is feeding the fire because Sylvia thought she was funny to call me, like a sick bitch, leaving messages on my phone and later calling me again to be verbally abusive. Which I snapped back at her with an attitude. Sylvia is only displaying jealous behavior.  Being with her son it’s none of her fucking business. What is she afraid I will take him away?

It’s very fucked up.  I came to realize later, this is Sylvia’s, way of joking with people, (as she mentioned it), yet she sounds very serious, maybe I took it wrong? Or maybe not?  I didn’t find it funny.  Frankly I don’t believe she is joking!  She knows what she is doing, she enjoys it.  She enjoys fighting with people.

Is this another episode of oedipus?

Let me describe what I observed with mother and son. I told Michael straight OUT he is emotionally detached. He was rude with his comments of me expressing my feelings, he was distant, which was confusing since the first time we had dinner he was very engaging and open, only to later behave so badly. I let him know exactly what I thought even though it’s said not to, in the article, he needs to take responsibility for his behavior, but I am fucken done, I DON’T NEED THIS BULLSHIT! 

I am to old to deal with this and I haven’t healed from Todd’s death and what has happened to me in the last several years.

Yet that dream of Tom Acosta was eye opener of a toxic family filled with something foul. If Michael feels the need to tell his mommy about his personal life because it’s the only attention she can now provide to him, so be it. Hell he doesn’t have to compete with his brothers for mommy’s attention or his father, everyone is now dead. He has her all to him self and Sylvia loves it, she engages in this kind of perverse insidious behavior, maybe out of guilt or maybe she doesn’t want anyone to have Michael, since she is now alone. When she dies he will be so fucked for life. I can’t even believe this kind of behavior?

If Mike ever does find a wife it will be his cross to bear, she will take all his money and leave him in the dust or it will be the death of him.  Either way I can’t do this again, no fucken way. I matter too. Michael would make a very good catch, but first he needs to fix the broken bits of his life. And that is true for anyone.  A mother can do real damage to her sons and have great power over them and Michael is allowing it, like any other kind of abusive relationship. For that I truly feel sorry for him, I really do. And I don’t give a fuck telling the world on this blog, just like he doesn’t care telling mommy his personal affairs!!!

After I was drunk I stayed the night, Sylvia was kind enough to invite me. I stayed in the guest room and whispered to her, nothing was going on between us, she said I know.  There was something else she said to me and now I can’t remember, but right away I thought, he must have told her what I said in the text message?  I think I may have greatly misunderstood her when she was calling and leaving those messages.  And our last conversation was a bit intense, as I was uncomfortable, I don’t know it seemed wrong her calling me the way she did after Michael returned home, maybe I did misunderstand. I just didn’t think it was funny.  I will in time when it’s right to express my feelings, because I want her to know. I do love Sylvia, she is hurt and old now, there is no reason for any of us to argue or be oppressed by each other. I just don’t want to make the same mistakes with anyone or for me to angry and misunderstanding anything.

Interestingly enough I was reading my horoscope this entire time and Leo has been in conjuncture with Saturn. Is that wild as we are crossing friction, but I have kept my dignity about it all. The blame has fallen on both of them.

 All of this has ended on  a very sour note, but I know I came out ahead, I did nothing to hurt either party and that I feel good about.  I don’t hate Sylvia at all I trusted her and she did many bad things, the behavior. She is 80 years old and filled with rage, which she will die with.  Frankly I hope it’s soon!